Eraser (1996) Show Notes

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Eraser (1996)

R | | Action, Drama, Mystery | 21 June 1996 (USA)

 

[usr 4.0]

Intro: Oh hey, You’re early…what’s that? Was I just upstairs taking a revenge poo in your toilet and now wiping my poo hands on your towel? C’mon Lee…I’m Daryl the bad ex-boyfriend and I am only here to do one thing… and that is to get railed to that wall in 3…2….1… ouch.

And now for a very important PSA….Hello Young Ladies,  let me talk down to you for a minute.  If you break up with a boy…get your keys back…Don’t let a revenge poo happen to you.

 

IMDB

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116213/

 

Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eraser_(film)

 

YouTube Trailer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31_OEhX30sY

 

Twitter: Eraser (1996) – Time to pucker up, here comes some bad James C(aan)PR…mmm…Funyuns.

 


 

Notes:

 

This is how you tie a boot

 

Fore Finger…middle finger

 

Time to burn the Birth Cert.

 

Blade in the belt buckle…will it be used!

 

Every time I see a doctor’s glove I think of prostate exam

 

This music is pretty awesome so far.

 

Meanwhile…in suburbia

 

Nobody hits from us Johnny…

 

So the subtle Frank Sinatra in the background makes me think they are implying these guys are mafia connected…isn’t that right…Vinnie.

 

That is one big ninja

 

Shutup! Do it!

 

Those are some mighty light corpses. You ever tried to put up somebody? There is a reason they call it dead weight.

 

Right…Those son’s of bitches.

 

Why wouldn’t it work without an audience? This isn’t filmsack…you don’t need an audience to your house blowing up.

 

Apparently you only get erased once. That’s company policy.

 

I didn’t ask you which one was fake…I asked you which one was real…jack ass.

 

Just going to drag these photos from the “used to been” to the “is now”  screen.

 

A bonified good person.

 

Stupid corrupt Cyrez corporation

 

Broach cam! 

 

Oh…a blackout.

 

This is how I image Redbox functions on the inside.

 

Do I have time to make another copy? sure…why not.

 

Boss blows his brains out in front of you. Cheap trick.

 

Man…Arnold is so sanctimonious in this movie.

 

This disc is blushing.

 

What do you think your Dell from 1996 is going to be able to do to decrypt your redbox disc.

 

Damnit Daryl…You just let yourself into my house when I’m not here…did you take a shit and shower in my bathroom? see Daryl…this is why we broke up…no boundaries.

 

TSA Gun

 

ahh man…I was just about to pull the trigger…then a car pulled up…I guess I better wait…ooh balloons!

 

This rail gun is the balls!

 

Am I playing Quake right now? Pew Pew Pew…Rocket Jump!

 

Ha! The household refrigerator…protector of the innocent.

 

Drill bit gernade! My favorite thing.

 

Analog thermostat and a ripped gas line out of the wall..that is going to work. Eventually…

 

Nooo…not Daryl…

 

Hey Daryl…”Stick Around” – I couldn’t resit.

 

Reporters always make it worser.

 

Undersecretary…what is an under…secretary.

 

Have you ever tried to break a disc…it’s impossible.

 

Don’t burn plastic…the ozone is crying

 

This is turning into The Equalizer…I don’t want any payment…I want your loyalty…

 

This movie is offensive to women. Actually, it’s offensive to human beings. This credit card is for emergencies only…it’s not a license to shop…cause I know you women like that.

 

Orphans? that’s a restaurant? Orphans?

 

I make this cup of coffee look small…do you guys have a smaller cup?

 

Are these chumps with you?

 

Shiff and I’m Calderone..

 

Peeled her like and onion. mmmm…

 

John Crew-Garrr

 

A weapon for every orifice. 

 

Allison is inside making muffins. (women are puny)

 

That is not how CPR works Caan….CAAAAANNNN…

 

What a world what a world what a world….kissed to death by James Caan.

 

1996…this is early on cheap bottled water.

 

No John…don’t beep her…that is exactly what they want.

 

 

You do not want to throw a chair into the engine of the jet you are riding in.

 

Oops…threw my parachute…guess I better go get it.

 

Well that was easy enough.

 

oh man..did that hurt? That had to hurt…I saw it.

 

Is that how backup chutes work?

 

Nothing worse than your mentor betraying you. He knows all of your tricks.

 

Arnold did not get to drive even one nice car in this movie.

 

Somebody got to beat up those teenagers with the zoo animal harassment sticks.

 

What kind of Secret Handshake ends with you shooting me in the leg!

 

You expect me to believe there is a Black Guy Named Bob Who Owns A Tow Truck and Junk Yard in Upstate New York? Is that the story you are weaving?

 

Alligators…am I right! That was one cool ass scene…never happen…but…shit…that was good graphics for 96

 

You’re Luggage! That wins the movie…I can turn it off now. Done.

 

No gay bar has ever been this gay.

 

Where did you get this cheap knock off shit…Ultra Seltzer? Did you pick these up in Utah?

 

Movie security guards are only confounded by Pizza Deliveries and Janitoring. 

 

Defibbing is a fun party game.

 

Electronic door locks are easily bypassed  by shooting them.

 

It’s a unix system!

 

The human gernade. It’s really the worst way to go.

 

Quick! To the roof! I have a helicopter there…we will fly away!

 

Tony Two Toes! Oddly…he got 3 toes. But Three toes is just stupid

 

That rail gun is sweat! Man I want to play me some FPS games.

 

Did he just Rambo up out of the floor? Yep… Two guns!

 

Typical Russian Mafia.

 

Typical Italian Mafia…the lesser of the 2 evils.

 

Damsel in distress…check.

 

I was literally yelling at the screen by the end of this movie..this movie has great timing and music…made my butthole pucker.

 

Damnit John…you dropped a crate on me. I should be dead.

 

Hello…? Ohhhh…we are on the train tracks!!!

 

Won’t someone please think about the train engineer.  Stop using trains to exact your revenge. It’s inefficient.

 

Going downtown…gonna blow you all away

 

 

 

 

Constantine (2005) Show Notes

Ticket

Constantine (2005)

R | 2h 1min | Drama, Fantasy, Horror | 18 February 2005 (USA)

 

[usr 10.0]

 

 

 

Intro: Ok…Yeah…Hello, I’m a bad Keanu Reeves Impression…Woah…and I just crawled back from hell to drop some knowledge about my goody two-shoes doppleganger, the real Keanu Reeves… Excellent…Listen…The man is obsessed with chairs. Like the Red Chair in the Matrix with Morpheus and the pills and the talks. The Jack-In Chair in the Matrix. The Jack-in Chair in Johnny Mnemonic…You are welcome Ibbott…The “Al Pacino is the devil… and a Chair” on the promotional poster of Devil’s Advocate….and That one time on the subway when he gave away his chair. IN REAL LIFE!

If Keanu had a spirit animal it would be a chair. Woah…Excellent

Alright, got to go. Peter Stormare is making chicken and waffles tonight. Hell ya later!

 

IMDB

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0360486/

 

Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Constantine_(film)

 

YouTube Trailer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEa508Xmmio

 

Twitter: Constantine (2005) –

Like a throat punch from Keanu Reeves to get rid of your neck demons. Woah…Excellent…

 

 

Notes:

 

Where you going DC!

 

Durn all the distributor companies just burned in hell

 

Spear of Destiny

 

Stuff goes missing during WWII…cause Hitler was always stealing stuff and hiding it…can he was a jerk face.

 

Dog is scavenger …like man…man dog scavenger.

 

Just gonna bury this hear Nazi flag with Jesus’ death spear

 

this flag matches…which kind of matches my track suit. 

 

Breathing man…is breathing….and dirty…

 

Uh…your hombre done got smashed up. bad.

 

That tea pot has seen better days. Put it to the flame!!

 

Honey….I brought you tea…oh nevermind…I see you done had enough stimulation today.

 

Trope…demons

 

Bottom shot…top shot. long top shot. (worm, bird, higher bird)

 

So much amazing imagery

 

Hey, did somebody call a smoking priest?

 

Time for some exorcism

 

Ahhh…that’s the key….what..you don’t like that?

 

Who stands on a bed asshole.

 

Constantine…asshole.

 

My feet do that sometimes…when the cat attacks them.

 

Constantine throat punch! and I need a mirror…3 feet high…we got a hobbit demon!

 

Chad Crammer asshole…Shia Labouf ain’t so bad…right…

 

The best exorcisms happen on the 2nd floor…everybody knows that.

 

Don’t look asshole!

 

Maybe I should have been more specific…a mirror 3 feet high and only 2 feet wide.

 

It’s Two-Face!

 

Bowl Bowl Bowl…Cocktail Snacks! Bowl

 

I need me a single chain pull blind system…

 

Chain-Smoker-sTine

 

It’s been like a long time since confession.

 

I killed a man today…

 

Room 427

 

A lot of crosses in this movie

 

Isabelle has bad dreams.

 

Pretty sure you shouldn’t be coughing up blood.

 

love these shots.

 

Ha! Constantine thought he was being clever by not holding the door and saying something smart ass…not if I can help it. 

 

Dead Cows! Cows be dropping like flies

 

I need you to get me a moo cup…

 

Screech Beetle…let’s shake his box up.

 

Don’t waste the Dragon’s Breath!

 

Skinny fellow with the fat friend

 

I got wangs!

 

What you think about my surfer hair! Dude looks like a lady! 

 

You can’t earn your way into heaven….

 

You are going to hell for the lives that you took? who he take?

 

Murders!

 

I got the power to rub newspapers…look at my black hands. Does that work with internet sites now?

 

Quicktime player…who uses that.

 

That is one convenient security camera…with audio…

 

The supernatural love using the phone…they don’t know how they work…but they love using them…Hello? who is this….asshole….

 

Damn billboards and their double meanings.

 

Swarm demon got wasted…

 

Papa Midnight is a legend. 

 

Kid…if you say Jon on one more time…I am gonna kill ya.

 

These angels are androgynous

 

No no…things are balanced!

 

Dude…that is gross…finger licking good indeed.

 

Taking it out on the spider. A little smoke in a glass. 

 

Legion or cult…

 

Nobody believes nobody! in this movie

 

Constantine is kind of a bitter dick. So..suck it…I’m releasing our spider smoke.

 

“What if I told you….” speech.

 

I got my feet pot…gonna stick my shoes in it…

 

Do you ever get that burning feeling when you look deep into a cat’s eyes.

 

Demon soldiers gots no skull tops.

 

Hell looks a lot like a Megadeth Album Cover.

 

Priest with a flasher overcoat is the best priest

 

Dodson…we got Dodson here.

 

Do you know how many dead people  are in that morgue. All of them.

 

2 minutes in hell is a lifetime.

 

Dodson here…

 

That dead guy was my friend. He left a symbol in his hand.

 

The Bible in Hell.

 

The devil had a son too…cause he is the devil…and he likes to do it.

 

Fly eye! Brundlefly in my eye.

 

Meanwhile in Mehico…A white guy is carjacked by a demon

 

A lot of shots of no head tops.

 

are those Cthulhu tats?

 

It’s like a baptism that goes horribly wrong.

 

Wait wait wait…you didn’t say nothing about no drowning!!

 

She be coming out of the tub…..

 

Balthazar!

 

What’s in those jars? Was he collecting his own body fluids?

 

Increase in paranormal activity. 

 

Trope…stay in the car…wear this…nope!

 

Fire!…I was born of this.

 

Grandstanding in the demon’s office…

 

Come on Neo…fly after her.

 

Reeves is always looking for a chair…Johnny Mnemonic had the brain chair…Matrix had the Matrix chair…Constantine has the Midnight electric chair.

 

I see you stalking me in your astral body…I choke you!

 

I need me a big ole Van Helsing Style Monster fighting gun.

 

I sure hope they don’t kill my apprentice.

 

Men In Black/ Ghostbusters moment. Get back to your appropriate locations. You are not suppose to be here.

 

Squeeel like a demon pig.

 

They always trying to drown her.

 

You do not want to be the lady who hatches the son of the devil from her giggly belly.

 

Something to fight for! You done killed my Apprentice.

 

Time for me to use my Neo powers!

 

Gabriel is wearing medical bracelets like a fashion statement. Along with white chaps.

 

Got to be a better way than slitting your wrists

 

He is the Devil!! Not a Russian Cosmonaut

 

What do ya want….exteeeeension…

 

How did the devil forget about the sacrifice…

 

Suck it devil.

 

Noooo….looks like there is more work to do here on earth…plus…cancer free. 

 

What did I learn? nothing. 

 

Hide it…like in a Nazi Flag in Mexico…no wait….somewhere better.