The Relic

The Relic (1997)  110 min Rated R

The Relic is a 1997 science fiction/horror film directed by Peter Hyams and based on the best-selling novel Relic by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. The film stars Penelope Ann Miller, Tom Sizemore and Linda Hunt. The original music score was composed by John Debney. The film is rated R for monster violence, gore, and language.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Relic_(film)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120004/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Opener:

Holy crap Fred. I just passed by the hot scientist ladies’ office and she was in there with the   creepy german lady and professor wheelchair talking about  shit on a leaf and  topless ushers..what a bunch of freaks….Fred you in there? Fred?  hello

Topless Ushers For The Ballet. The Wheelchair scientist is down with that.

Twitter: The Relic – Red carpet roller! In a hurry! Coming through people! We got red carpet to lay here! It’s red. best part of the movie. cause it was the part I could see

Stuff I Loved:

Hey, here is a bit of advice. Don’t drink what the tribe man gives you.

You can’t park your boat here!

I have to get my Chip out of the harbor

I’m just going to Indiana Jones my way back onto the Chip.

Man…I’m really sweating.

Am I going blind? This movie is really dark.

I can’t stop screaming! what did they give me!

The pointy end is the bow. It’s a ship…not a boat.

His ex-wife got custody of the dog

Is this red stuff on the wall blood?

GHOST CHIP!

Cat! Always a cat. Scream!

What is that smell? It smells like Cat Anus.

We found the body…

Nice trucker cap.

Walk Children…Walk!! it’s the Walk lady.

No…I’m not “sc-a-r-ed”

The Inside “walk” man.

It’s the lady from the Incredibles.

She always plays the same German like lady.

So put on your party dress.

Revolution Biologist. Where our tails go?

“Margo!” Holy shite! Scared the crap out of me.

Topless Ushers For The Ballet. The Wheelchair scientist is down with that.

Are these eggs? No…fungus.

Do they look like eggs to you? Moron.

This fridge is for creepy fungus eggs…not food.

This is like Night At The Museum…

What they going to do…put us in Museum jail?

Man…I wish I had a public restroom with a window. You see them in the movies all the time…but I can’t think of a single public restroom with a window. Movie magic?

Was he smoking pot? or was it a filterless cigarette.

“No Margo…they aren’t eggs…they’re fungus…shut up professor wheelchair…I know that.”

Worked myself to the bone…that was pretty good.

Guy in a wheelchair…is that a horror trope?

What are you…scared? That is a classic movie line. I have never said that in real life.

I remember those flying bird banners outside the museum.

“Hang onto your fucking hat”….I’m not wearing a hat! Have you ever seen me wear a hat.

 

Don’t step over the body….it’s bad luck.

This is like the original CSI

oh…Jeffrey Dahmer reference….how fresh was that when this movie was made?

Beetles in Bug Beetles?

Don’t touch a penny face down…it’s bad luck.

Don’t look a good place to light a match.

Empty….that is the definition of empty

No drugs…just minor relics

Black stone!

Don’t you hate someone who just takes head and never gives it.

Read something on the internet? This is realy internet.

What a sarcastic and hilarious morgue lady.

The brain fell out.

Brought to you by Evian.

No food…unless it is my sandwhich.

Nothing sounds like more fun than touring the relics wing of the museum at night…by yourself after a murder!!

Wait…murders and monsters don’t use the sink. oh..it’s the cleaning lady. phew.

Red carpet roller! In a hurry! Coming through fellas! We got red carpet to lay!

Espesso vs Latte cop talk

These cops are real good at spotting blood.

They are missing their hypo thalomos

Sounds like the Tardis is coming in. Or is that the creature breathing?

Headaches were caused by sorcery. I agree. Kill the sorcery!

It’s the same stink!! I would recognize that stink anywhere.

This whole movie is so freaking dark.

Pretty sure you just shot a bum.

Have you ever seen my wife’s clevage?

As much as I deem GD neccessary

I need a team of dogs. Get better dogs.

Bugs check in…but they make an evolutionary jump when they come out!

big beetle…big beetle chase me

Human Hypothalamus

Fred Ford is a great name.

Who packs crates with leaves….THESE AREN’T LEAVES…THEY ARE TOILET PAPER!! HUMAN HORMONES! THOSE WEREN’T EGGS…THEY WERE POOP!

“Down the stairs?” That’s right professor wheelchair.

It’s how chicago stays warm? Farts?

We got your better dogs. See ya better dogs!

Kothoga

Thank you for coming out tonight….have you seen my wife’s tits.

Where do you get a giant pair of novelty scissors

Coffee affinados

The over laugher at the Mayor.

are descending cages really a thing in museums? With vault doors.

I feel the same way after an hour at the museum. LET ME OUT!! Fuck the doors…just bust through the glass.

It’s only for the lab area (chicago accent,.)

Da-Gus-Tuh

Do you have plenty of ammo? I’m loaded…no…really I’m drunk. Gimmie some bullets.

Are you Spiderman Dagusta?

Nom Nom Nomm…hypothalumus!

I think the monster has asthma

That was effective….pulling the “help me” guy up…suddenly he is lighter. Oops…no lower torso.

Match…Homo Sapien.

Scientist make fighting monsters easier.

I don’t think they are going to make it.

Breaking off into groups. Never a good idea…unless you are in the happening. Then you want to be in Walhbergs group.

Oh no! It’s mostly made of science boy!!

Run! Throw bottles at him! Run!!

She is not carefully measuring those compounds…if you have ever been in chemistry class…you know that means explosion!!

Monsters are always leaky…drip drip drip

mmm….monster kisses are the best.

I’m a firestarter…IT BURNS!!

You go to hell…you protein plant eating beast!!

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