Revenge Of The Ninja

Revenge of the Ninja (1983) (90 minutes – Rated: R)

After his family is killed in Japan by ninjas, Cho and his son Kane come to America to start a new life. He opens a doll shop but is unwittingly importing heroin in the dolls. When he finds out that his friend has betrayed him, Cho must prepare for the ultimate battle he has ever been involved in.

Opener:

Oh no. Someone killed my in-laws. Bummer. Well that kind of suuuu….Oh no! My son took a throwing star to the head! Storm drain surprise ninja sword attack.

Twitter:  Revenge Of The Ninja – opening credits that totally made me want to order chinese food with it’s fanc

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086192/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revenge_of_the_ninja

 

Stuff I Loved:

The opening credit font makes me want to order some Kung Pow chicken…which I believe is chinese and not japenese. I am so conflicted.

Worst ninjas ever. Of course if you are only sneaking up on old ladies and children. Maybe your skills are suffiecient.

Killing that old dude was a little bit of overkill.

Ninja Team! unite….oh oh….scatter…scatter!! Real men are coming!…uh oh…I think I was suppose to exit stage right..but I went stage left. damn it Ho…you screwed me up.

They killed my extended family! nooo…wait…is that my son with a throwing star in his head…dangit!

Storm drain surprise sword attack! crap. Fail!

Hey look cho…I shot me a ninja off the roof…oh yeah…I just caught an arrow with my teeth.

What kind of crappy ninjas are these? I’ve seen better ninjas on the A-Team.

Bird formation Ninja Team….

Ooops. I think I let that smoke bomb go off at the wrong time. I think I was suppose to do something when that happened…can we refilm that scene? Nope? Hiyaaaa

Your movie made Bruce Lee cry.

Where the crap was grandma?

That first baby cry when grandma was hovering over the dead boy…I thought she farted or something.

Who is this white dude that wants Cho to come to the US so bad.

Do you see this? Yeah…we see it…it’s a cheap bubble gum machine trinket. Is this what all this fighting is over? Here…have a quarter…get another one.

You can not escape your Karmas

Hey look…a kid at least 3 years younger than us wearing a pink croc shirt from JC Penney’s is walking home with his grandma…maybe we should start a fight….oh crap…he’s asian…bet he knows Ninja’ing

What have I told you about beating up stupid american kids.

Look grandma…if you show me that stupid pendant again and tell me about my heritage on more time…well…I’m going to ninja chop your head clean off.

Hot blonde. This movie just increased in sexiness by 200%

You forgot your pants! But you did wear panty hose. oooo….control top. Very nice.

Why don’t women wear this little twisty bands anymore.

You have excellent taste in dolls and Neon cho.

Even Ninja Doll with slice your arse.

Why is this doll full of fun dip. WooooooooooOOooOOo These dolls rock!

Braden (Raiden) is my super secret ninja name. Which I tell everyone. NINJA!

I will make the no-no hand sign. Cause you don’t even know me yet.

Nooo…not my good eye…why would you ninja my good eye!

What is this…hide the sex from the camera man. he is having to walk all over the apartment to locate the source of the sex noises. Is it in this porn mag? nope…on the tv? no huh. Bed. Hmmm…ahhhh…Hot tub.

Nothing says cool jive cat like a jacket thrown over your shoulder that you have no intention on wearing.

The fight scene choreography in this film looks like it was done by a group on 12 year olds. Which is why it is awesome!

Ninja weapon. The length of the blade is very precise. No one could figure this exact length out.

Look…it I need someone to catch my coffee I will give you a call.

Everybody knows Indians are the best ninjas

Everyone knows that when you are being chased by a street clothes Ninja in your 76 VW Van that there is no way in hell you just stop the van. Even if you are getting your trash kicked…screw it…keep the pedal to the metal.

Nothing more humiliating than getting kicked in the nuts and dropping the barrel you are holding over your head.

Oh wait…we have guns…why are we trying hand to hand combat with a ninja.

Either those are ninja pants or Cho has some really thick leg skin. No road rash after getting drug a few miles on the pavement.

Does a ninja really need a little rope ladder to enter in through a sky light? Shouldn’t he be able to flip or something.

Grandma ninja is on the level of full body motion yoda.

ahhhh…ancient ninja secret.

oh wait..they have steps. Why didn’t I just take the steps.

They are no dolls! They are action figures. Filled with Drugs!

The Playground Gang. Cowboy Pimp, Hawaain Biker, Kamazai Latino and well…really offensive portrayal of a black guy hiding behind a post and using a pistol.

I just happen to carry a few japanese fans…in case things get hot. Yaaaahaaaa.

heeey…I never heard of no ninja slap. That is unfair woman.

The only thing this movie is missing is a ninja dog. or cat. I would settle for cat.

What the crap fell off the kid when the girl kidnapped him and carried little Cho off?

Ninja bag. I need one.

Death by spa jets. weird

ha…I need a box of ninja stuff…but it needs to be air tight…so I can put some kind of ninja smoke in it. That way when I open it up 6 years later the smoke will escape when I open it…making it very dramatic and crap.

Are we going to fight or play tennis?

Ninja Air Blade Fight!

Ninja Flame Thrower…can’t be easy to move with that.

Ninjas do not wear eye liner…dangit!

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