Moonraker

Moonraker (1979) (126 min – Rated: PG)

Moonraker (1979) is the eleventh spy film in the James Bond series, and the fourth to star Roger Moore as the fictional MI6 agent James Bond. The third and final film in the series to be directed by Lewis Gilbert, it co-stars Lois Chiles, Michael Lonsdale, Corinne Cléry, and Richard Kiel. Bond investigates the theft of a space shuttle, leading him to Hugo Drax, the owner of the shuttle’s manufacturing firm. Along with space scientist Dr. Holly Goodhead, Bond follows the trail from California to Venice, Rio de Janeiro, and the Amazon rainforest, and finally into outer space to prevent a plot to wipe out the world population and to re-create humanity with a master race.

Opener: Welcome to my castle James, as you can see I am insanely rich…and I like to play the piano for hot lady models in the morning and feed my doberman’s red meat which I keep in this silver serving tray…also, this is my asian servant. He will surely be performing some kind of karate on you shortly.

Twitter:  Moonraker – Like jumping from a plane with a parachute then having it ripped away from you about halfway down. up until then it was a lot of fun. now…a lot of arm waving and screaming.

 

Stuff I Loved:

Gah…you got me…you well dressed man…guess that is what I get for looking down the barrel of my gun…from the inside.

We named the space shuttle Moonraker…crap…wrong bond.

Sweet. Look at these convenient human sized cargo holds.

Andy Samberg’s dad is one of the shuttle thieves

OOOOHH..Red Phone! Batman….where is the cake cover?

Ha…this movie is puny.  Last leg.

Who wears a parachute helmet like that…

Punches and kicks used to sound weird in movies.

Must keep hands in frame as I chase down guy for parachute.

Alright…I don’t care what you say….the skydive fight scene is one of the best in bond.

What’s the difference between skydiving and falling to your death. A parachute and a lot of screaming and arm waving.

Ha!! Loved the look Jaws when he realized his rip cord was useless.

mmmm…Broccoli

Hey…these bond chics aren’t even nekk’d in the opening scenes.

Can we just say how iconic the bond intros are. Wait…that was a booby. Apparently, if a booby shot is over 30 years old it is PG. Cause that lady is probably a grandma by now…and grandma boobs are PG..what teenager would get excited at 30 year old booby.

Look at this..it’s a mirror.

A “fine tooth” comb

Standard issue minigun watch.

So this is top secret location then…I mean with the big “Moonraker” stenciling on the

As part of worker conformity week…everybody has to wear tight white polyester workout uniforms…and we are going to be doing a lot of toe touches.

I am insanely rich…and I like to play the piano for hotties in the morning and feed my doberman’s red meat I keep in this silver serving tray…also, this is my asian servant. He will surely be performing some kind of karate on your shortly.

Cucumber Sandwich? No? Then how about

Dr. GoodHead…I don’t get it. Is that some kind of sexual reference?

Nerdy Sexy ladies. “Holly Goodhead” Who turns that into something naughty. Because really…there is nothing very sexual about the name Goodhead…I mean…it probably is just a family name that means her forefathers were probably smart as well…but nooooo…Bond has nothing but sex on the mind.

I have a “chicken switch”

Hey…while you are here…I think we should randomly put you into a g-force machine…that probably takes about 8 hours to calibrate before anyone gets in…but we got it all warmed up for you.

Push the Chicken Switch ya durn fool!

Calculating…calculating. You are screwed.

Everybody knows you keep the primary motivator for a g-force machine in the dashboard.

If you shoot the speedometer in a machine it will stop…dur.

I can’t walk after I get off a tire swing. No way could I take that many g’s and walk away.

I don’t think she wants to kiss you bond. No wait…I was wrong. Bow-chic-a-bow-wow

That chic just told you she didn’t know how to read. But you just kept right on shagging her didn’t you. She needs your help to get out of an abusive relationship not your penis Mr. Bond. Not your penis.

beep beep boop….beep beep boop.

Oh you impressed the illiterate house slave with your fancy electronic safe opening tools.

Ha…007 spy camera. Bet I want one of those.

Dude…that cook is one bad apple. When does he have time to cook anything stalking bond.

Part of our Astronaut training is shooting pheasant

2001 space odyssey?

I am rich…..see…I even have a little broom in my hat…I use it to sweep up little messes when my servants are not looking.  

Come on randy…you can’t tell me he shot a man out of a tree with a shotgun.

Run lady…run! She never even got to learn how to read.

Climb a tree stupid. You can’t outrun dogs. You can outclimb them. Bam…that’s why dogs hate cats.

Dang the glass lady is hot.

Go anywhere you wish….wait! not there stupid. Why you take me so literal…that is staff only.

Hey lady…they have better security on a phone at walmart. beeeep…yeah…that is going to stop me from stealing a 1 million dollar glass thingy.

I would love to ride on one of those Italian mime boats…as long as it doesn’t go up against one of the knife throwing casket boats.

If your whole schtick is knives….maybe you should be a little better than that. Imagine all the hours of prep work to just take one to the chest by an amatuer.

Wait…whose boat is that? Was that mime pilot in co-hoots? cause bond just totally sold that dude out.

Red ribbon straw hats are not for everyone.

What the crap…is that the tone from Close Encounters of the Third Kind? It was!

Trivia:

For the scene involving the opening of the musical electronic laboratory door lock in Venice, producer Albert R. Broccoli requested special permission from director Steven Spielberg to use the five-note melody from his film Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977). In 1985, Broccoli would return the favour by fulfilling Spielberg’s request to use the James Bond theme music for a scene in his film, The Goonies (1985)

Eeek…somebody took the raptor dna

Way to go bond…you just killed us all.

The accidental murderer…sorry Lab techs…I left this where it would fall and kill you all.

Bond has on clonky shoes…should be easy to find.

Like a bamboo fencer in a glass shop.

“You!!….You put mayonnaise on my cucumber sandwich and now this…oh you are so going down…also…you scream like you have a deviated septum.”

Bond is way OP

Standard CIA equipment? You mean like a purse phone?

Does CW mean anything to you? Yes…Supernatural. The Hugleys

Dang…I don’t remember scary clown suit…that was awesome!!

Secret agents have secret fights…fight club? Never let the public know.

alright…alright…you have steel teeth…but does that give you superhuman jaw strength?

Apparently he already had plenty of strength…nevermind…can climb

“His name is jaws…he kills people” – I just wrote your wiki

Dolly. I think that pushup bra may be pushing up too much.

Look at that grill

Nothing suspicious about a bunch of dudes rushing to your aid with some

Worst ambulance driver ever

7Up had a vested interest in this movie

You would really think there would be better rear doors with some kind of safety thing to keep people from flying out of the rear of them and rolling down the street. Same with Herts.

Wait…when did this become a western? and Karate Monks. What the crap…Laser guns! SOLD

Don’t see too many River speed boats.

These boat henchmen really conform to the henchmen uniform code.

There is a lot of action in this movie.

I would have thought there would have been a lot more moon in MoonRaker

Bond seems to be all about timing. I can’t remember the last time I was parasailing and saw a beautiful woman lead me on a foot chase.

Man…Roger Moore has a cleft in his chin to make someone with a clefty chin jealous.

These women take a weird pleasure in watching a dude die

Jaws loves grabbing people by the head.

Holy cow. 6 MoonRakers!

I’m starting to think some of these dude just joined the moonraker initiative to make out with models.

Lasers!

Jaws turns out to be a good guy

All the lasers are blue…how are you suppose to know who the bad guy is?

Drax should just shut up.

 

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